Dad Asks If He's Wrong for Planning an International Trip without Kids After They Decided to Live with Mom in Custody Battle

A dad isn't sure if he's in the wrong for planning an international trip without his two kids.

The original poster (OP) asked for advice in Reddit's AITA subreddit after his kids, now 14 and 16, got upset when they learned he was planning an international trip without them. OP explains that he shares his kids with his ex-wife and had 50/50 split custody up until a few months ago.

He goes on to say that four years ago, his ex-wife got remarried, and her new husband suggested that they revisit the custody arrangement. OP claims he spent $165,000, which he says is "basically my life savings," to fight for custody for four years.

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During the battle, OP's older child told a court-appointed therapist that they wanted to live with their mom and only see their dad on the weekends. His younger child initially said they wanted to continue splitting their time between both households, but later changed their mind and said they wanted "70/30 with mom" and for "court stuff to be over."

Ultimately, they went to trial and the judge considered the kids' preference due to their age. They decided not to split up the siblings.

Now, OP shares that he's been planning a trip to Spain and France with his new wife and some of their friends and family. "They picked dates. We got tickets. The kids found out about it and have been asking me: 'We want to go. Why can't we go?'"

OP told his kids that the trip was something he and his wife had been planning and saving for. When his kids asked if it was an adults-only trip, OP told them it wasn't. Their 15-year-old cousin would be coming.

"They said it was not fair we couldn't take them as they know we could afford it, and that it would be their only chance to travel internationally," writes OP. "I told them, 'You're young adults now. You chose to spend the majority of your time with your mother, and you got what you wanted. But choices have consequences. One of them is that you don't get to join me on things like this.'"

OP says his kids are very upset and shares that his younger child told him that he's just mad because they're having more fun at their mom's. Although he says his gut is telling him he's right, he asks if he's the one in the wrong.

In his comments, fellow Redditors shared that they believe he is in the wrong for choosing not to take his kids on this trip.

One person said that it feels like OP is trying to punish his kids for the custody battle that he and his ex willingly entered.

"It is entirely up to you whether you invite them on this trip or not, but it feels like cutting off your nose to spite your face," they wrote. "You spent your life savings because you wanted more parenting time. Now you have the opportunity to get more parenting time by taking them on a once-in-a-lifetime trip, and you're saying no ... why? To make sure they know you're angry?"

"First, your treatment of them is not 'unintentional'. You are angry and hurt and lashing out at them, which is, frankly, unfair. They are children. Your job is to be the adult. You are not doing that job very well," they continue.

"This trip is going to be something your children remember for the rest of their lives. You get to decide how they remember it. They can either remember it as when Dad took them on an international trip and made great memories with them, or they can remember it as that time dad threw a temper tantrum over the custody schedule and went on a trip without them."

Another shared that it may have been fine if OP had said he couldn't take his kids on the trip because of a court-ordered mandate. But instead, he made it about his kids' choices.

"You made it about their 'choice' rather than their unavailability," another person wrote. "You could have simply said 'Your mother has court-ordered custody over you during the days of the trip. I can't change that.' Instead you went the blame route. That is petty and a------ish."

"Don't blame your children for the difficult position you and your ex-wife placed them in. They didn't choose the breakdown of their parent's relationship," they add.

OP responded to that comment, writing, "I'm glad this comment rose to the top. It's succinct and what I needed to hear. I handled it incorrectly and learned."

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